Wow, sounds like that first t just kinda threw you into the deep end without teaching you to swim...

T and I have gone over a bunch of prep work for emdr, but it never seems to feel adequate once we actually start. It has me doubting my ability to tackle my trauma issues outside of an inpatient/residential program, or at least without iop support. I'm not sure why I seem unable to tolerate it as well as other people might (coz clearly they can manage outpatient trauma work when I still can't)...

This t is only one of maybe 3 t's I've seen over the years (out of about 18) who encourages outside contact. It's only ever been the trauma t's that have allowed me to call or text as needed, though most have only had a crisis line option... this t has seen me crash hard in the last. She had wanted me to reach out more at the time, but I was not able to get past my anxiety around it. Now it's part of the plan to keep me from having to go inpatient on an emergency basis... I'm kinda waiting for her to draw a line and say "no more" because I'm bugging her so much lately. :/ she says she won't, but I still worry...