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Originally Posted by Pastel Kitten
Oh I'm very aware that blood relation doesn't necessarily make a person true "family." It's a bit difficult because my mom does have her kind moments where I really do believe she loves me. I'm in almost no contact with my extended family beyond my mom and dad (I don't have any real emotional connection to my dad though). The most contact I have with my extended family is maybe one or two aunts saying happy birthday/merry christmas to me every year via letter or facebook, and I never see any of them in person. Considering all that..it's hard for me to cut my mom out of my life, even when she repeatedly hurts me. I'm also the only family SHE has. She has not been in contact with ANYONE in her family for 25 years due to abuse, and they live overseas. My parents are divorced and all of my dad's extended family has since rejected her, as well as my brother...so I'm the only one she has left. She has relied on me for support since I was 13 and I know it's not my responsibility to allow my mom to place all her burdens on me but I'd feel so awful to leave her hanging as well.  I know I need to look out for myself more. |
Not sure how much you have been exposed to spiritual teachings and schools of thought, but I do want to share something I have learned from Eckhart Tolle.
It's specifically about dealing with your mom. I understand the dual relationship (love/hate) very well because of my own parents.
See, we are all products of our conditioning from culture, people around us, and life experiences. And, so, our behavior is often almost predictable ... we act out scripts based on the drama from our lives. It's almost like someone has your mom's remote control and is pushing buttons to make her act the same way over and over again !
If you can keep this in mind, going into an interaction with your mom, and maybe try to be *present* during the entire interaction, i.e. knowing how your mom is going to act, you can tolerate her behaviors, because she doesn't know any better, and, in a way, it's not really her acting that way, it's some pre-programmed behavior ! And, with compassion, you can just let her be herself !
Just listen to her harsh words or accept her harsh behavior ... and let them be ... let her be.
Why is this so important ? Not for your mom's sake, but for your sake ! If you figure out how not to get hurt by your mom anymore, it will make interacting with her much easier.
The broader message here is ... try not to let external conditions affect your mood/emotions so much. You have very little control over the world (including your mom). You do have more control over how you react.
Hope this made some sense.