Not sure how much you have been exposed to spiritual teachings and schools of thought, but I do want to share something I have learned from Eckhart Tolle.

It's specifically about dealing with your mom. I understand the dual relationship (love/hate) very well because of my own parents.

See, we are all products of our conditioning from culture, people around us, and life experiences. And, so, our behavior is often almost predictable ... we act out scripts based on the drama from our lives. It's almost like someone has your mom's remote control and is pushing buttons to make her act the same way over and over again !

If you can keep this in mind, going into an interaction with your mom, and maybe try to be *present* during the entire interaction, i.e. knowing how your mom is going to act, you can tolerate her behaviors, because she doesn't know any better, and, in a way, it's not really her acting that way, it's some pre-programmed behavior ! And, with compassion, you can just let her be herself !

Just listen to her harsh words or accept her harsh behavior ... and let them be ... let her be.

Why is this so important ? Not for your mom's sake, but for your sake ! If you figure out how not to get hurt by your mom anymore, it will make interacting with her much easier.

The broader message here is ... try not to let external conditions affect your mood/emotions so much. You have very little control over the world (including your mom). You do have more control over how you react.

Hope this made some sense.