I can sort of relate. I'm "moderate functioning" -- if that's a thing -- but I'm slowly declining.

But please don't feel like trash. No one is perfect. You're taking the right steps to making yourself feel better!

I can very much relate to you about the hospital thing, having my room be a pigsty, can't hold a relationship, no money, and not 100% med compliant. It's really hard... I'm not gonna lie... but you can do it! I'm working on these things myself, but they take time. I'm sure your therapist can help you work through these things. You just have to remain positive and believe that you can do it. Otherwise, you become a self-fulfilling prophecy and you'll be miserable... which is why I don't think you should think of yourself like trash.