Thanks for clarifying, Gabyunbound. I'm convinced that all I need is medication that calms me down. I've had this so many times already. My brother and sister have told me how great it is, and how hugely I've improved since I started treatment and meds 20 years ago. And I almost never reacted like this since meds were working. My plan is to live my life; the quality of my life at my age is ALL that matters to me. I'm a musician, and when I'm involved in the music scene, as I perform at an open mike 2x a month, and a jam I created 1x a month, and play with friends other days, I'm happy. My therapist knows this - he remembers how sad I was when I was not playing, then I found some fantastic musicians, who are now friends, and I've been happy since last Jan or Feb, till lamictal made me fall down and the new pdoc put me on Lithium. Big, huge mistake. I'm seeing my long-term great therapist on Tuesday, and will talk all thie over with him. I will also change pdocs.