within the past five years i have been placed inpatient against my will, not even five months later my grandmother suddenly and painfully died from colon cancer that was left untreated (nobody knew she had it til the very end because she never went to a doctor), all the while i was being bullied in school, early 2013 a close friend of my mother's died then later one of my cats of only 3 years died, 2014 i dropped out of school unable to take the bullying anymore, in june 14 my mom was diagnosed with lung AND liver cancer, later that year my dad cheated on my mom with none other than my mom's sister, because of this i no longer get to see my little cousin who would now be 7 years old so it is almost like she and my aunt died as well; 2015, my dad became abusive of my mom, i had to break up fights, yelling every nights, lots of alcohol (they are both alcoholics). feb that year it was revealed my dad had been on multiple dating sites for months talking to other women, i don't even want to go into the particular fight that happened as a result of that. well he finally stopped being physically abusive to my mom around a year ago but still sometimes yells awful things, i remember once he said he hoped i'd die, i'll never get over that one, almost gave him his wish, almost killed him instead. i've developed an eating disorder that i think might be ednos but i can't get help even if i wanted to because i'm fat, i'd be laughed out of every dr.s office in america if i were to be open about my struggles. earlier this year i fell in love for the first time, it was an online relationship. we talked every day for four months and i was the happiest i'd been in years, until he suddenly broke up with me the first of june. turns out there is such a thing as too fat for love, who knew? obviously this had fueled my eating disorder further. now here i am 3 months later, haven't been back to school, don't have a job of any kind, depressed as ever, lonely as ever, never go out because my past has made me scared of people, and by the way i am only going on 20.

i can't wait to see what the rest of my life will bring!!