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Originally Posted by granite1
i so wish i could . omg the voice is freaking me out .i remember that voice so clearly . anyway i did not call her but i had to stop her calling because she wouldnt so i ended out turning everything on my FB for only friends to see and i sent her a 5 word e mail saying im fine just sprained ankle .i feel horrible for even doing that .like im a failure . i want to not feel i need to care about her at all .even easing her fake concern about me .
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I want to keep this post forever, because I've always wondered when you have had sessions with your T and you say how her voice sounds different and mean, and you completely shut down...if it was triggered by your mother's voice. I think that may have been true. I am so so so sorry you have to deal with all of this.
Quote:
Originally Posted by granite1
i know the mother did some horrible things but im not unaware of my part in all of this.i was an unbelievably frustrating child.and i did horrible things also. i understand that doesnt make the things she did right. now i just cant get her voice out of my head.i dont have words to describe the voice she uses and what it dos to me
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Ugh. First of all, the best of children are extremely frustrating! (just a little levity--because kids aren't easy)....but I know that isn't what you are talking about. Many abused kids act out. Its all they know, so kids repeat what they know and have learned, and of course your family turns that against you, because, HEY! more fodder to abuse granite with!! UGGGHHH.
NONE OF THIS IS YOUR FAULT. NONE. I will say it over and over until it clicks.
Quote:
Originally Posted by granite1
today just stinks as usural. i want to ask my T how can this be . not one person in my family believes i am being a good mother they are all emotionally doing the same thing to my son as they did to me . i just dont get it can they all be so wrong .or could things have been that bad for me. i know im feeling sorry for myself but omg can i be so so so wrong . people here say it isnt my falt but my whole family on both the mother and the farther side. i cant deal with today
just wanted to edit to say this is comming from my farther comming over this morning giving me a hard time about my son again
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Yes, you don't talk about your father much, but just because he didn't beat you or make you sit in a chair for hours on end or lock you in your room, etc...he was just as culpable as your mother. IT WAS THAT BAD FOR YOU. You are the "scapegoat" of the family. I wish we could meet and hang out and craft together and I can tell you that you are not a horrible person
