I am so sorry to hear that you are struggling. It's good you are going to talk to your pdoc, because it definitely sounds like you need a lot more relief from your symptoms. Although only the pdoc can decide which meds would be best to prescribe, Lamictal has helped me a great deal, and I actually lost a few lbs. Do you have a therapist? It sounds like you can use more support and from others without judgment. It can help a lot with recovering from the devastating effects of BP that you have gone through and learn how to avoid self-blame. ((Hugs)) It's one day at a time.