I struggled a lot when I was first dxed, especially when I had my first psychotic episode. It was t until I went off meds and had a manic/psychotic episode all on my own that I believed it. That's when I stopped ****ing around and really buckled down and worked on my recovery. Two years later I haven't had a manic episode and I haven't had a depressed episode since January. I wish you peace in your journey to acceptance.