Session in an hour. I'm nervous and anxious and can't wait to get there, all at one time.

I'm anxious because of my calling last time after session when I was a complete mess. And I want to express to her how much it meant that she called me back and connected with me at work the 2nd morning after, after trying to reach me at home and not succeeding the night before. Knowing I can't talk at work but could listen and be grounded and reassured and feel better. I want her to understand how much that means to me and I'm afraid I'll just go in and say, Oh, yeah,by the way, thanks.

But I want to be there with her, anxious or not. Worried or not (with thoughts that she's sick of me and wants me to leave). I really really really want a warm session where I feel 'held'.

And I don't want to cry.

And I want to be real.

And I want to find the words I need.

I want so much to go twice a week but can't afford it. Who knows, maybe if I was going twice a week I'd say I want to go 3 times a week. Nothing seems to make me happy.

I haven't even left home yet and I'm dreading the session being over. Now that's just crazy.