I like to be dominated in the bedroom but upon penetration I like a man to be gentle. I suffer from vaginismus to a degree so am tighter most of the time and sex can be painful.

Does that make any sense? I like a man to take the lead and being pinned down is a fantasy but don't like rough penetration? I suppose if you have vaginismus it does although it can get in the way even before penetration. The fear of sex being sore can stop you enjoying what comes before as much.

Personally I would ask the lady you are about to be intimate with what she likes. She will appreciate that. Not all men do that. They don't all pay attention to our needs. I'm sure there are women who don't do that too. It's not a gender thing.

You can't generalise by gender about what someone likes so you have to ask. If not you might do something they don't like and turn them off. It's certainly not nice to be turned off to the point that sex is rough and painful. Or maybe that's just me. I don't know..