Thank you both for the support. Just to clarify, I was NOT suicidal. I'm still trying to dodge lingering thoughts, but so far I've managed ok. I think because of my combined Borderline Personality Disorder/Major Depression (I'm an all or nothing, black or white kind of person), it's making it harder to resist the temptation. Using drugs and alcohol at one point, I had finally accrued 6 yrs 2 mos clean and sober. I threw it all away at 22 to try and drink normally and I relate it to cutting...I already messed up, so why not go all out? The only thing that is saving me from cutting is my mother and the threat of more hospitalization...

Big sigh...have to stay strong and go one day at a time,I guess.