Oh Dexter, I am so sorry you are going through this. I can really hear your pain.

This is not your situation at all but about 10 years ago I was in a deep depression but was ignoring my symptoms. My father was very ill and my brother had tried to assault me over some family issues. I relapsed from my alcoholism and drank at my nieces wedding when I found out my brother would be attending. Badly. My sister and family were FURIOUS with me. After I got home she sent hate filled emails to me. I read and re-read them. I could not let them go. I wrote her more emails trying to get her to understand me. She sent more hate to me. I ended up in the hospital. I was so broken and down before the wedding and I just wanted everyone to understand that I was right and to understand me. It was never going to happen.

I was obsessed with those emails bc I wanted to prove something but I also felt so bad about myself. I eventually blocked my sister from my accounts and my life for a few years so that I could recover. In the grand scheme of things, my behavior at the wedding did not change the rotation of the world or anything very dramatic!!! I was able to forgive myself and realize that my family had really contributed a lot to the situation.

Your friends and coworkers should be able to understand that you can have a few weeks of not quite being yourself. If they can't, then too bad. Devils Advocate emails are not healthy for you right now. Don't ask for any more abuse.

Stop trying to,win your coworker to your way of thinking. He will have his own way of looking at things. Your job is to take care of yourself. Focus on yourself only. You MUST delete those emails now. I wish I had done that and saved myself so much pain.

Try to eat something. Watch a comedy on the Internet, surf here. I really hope you feel better!