Thread: Fart Humor
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Old Aug 28, 2016, 04:28 PM
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ImmerAllein ImmerAllein is offline
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Member Since: Aug 2016
Location: Not in Portland :'(
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July 4th, 2005 - My friends and I, after a few drinks on the beach, stopped at a Denny's for a restroom break.

So, I'm in the Denny's men's room, taking a leak, right next to a stall. As I start to relieve myself, I hear a wind instrument playing in the stall. The pitch range of the instrument was quite impressive, and it wasn't in a hurry to stop playing. At this point, it's kind of like a life/death situation where time slows down and each second feels like a minute, you know ?

So, I'm counting - 3 seconds, 5 seconds, 10 seconds, ... and on, while the symphony is in full flow. And while I'm counting, my whole body is shaking so violently with muffled laughter that, after a few seconds, I'm no longer able to aim at the latrine. It's all over the place I hope Denny's will forgive me for that

Of course, I'll never know the exact duration, but I'm willing to bet the symphony lasted a good 20-30 seconds of flute powered by Denny's Di-Sulfide.

I can't remember what ended first - me relieving myself, or the symphony
Anyway, by the time I was done, my face was a scarlet red from all the fresh blood pumped into it.

So, then, I stumble out into the dining area, still violently shaking from the muffled laughter, but trying my best not to appear like I'm deranged. I finally emerge outside the Denny's, where my friends were waiting for me.

They could see that something worthy of knowing had transpired. When asked, I tried (and tried and tried) to stop laughing so I could tell them what. It took me about 5 minutes before I could finally calm down enough to tell them what I had just experienced.

My friend and I call the unknown musician "Denny the Destroyer (of bowls)"

__________________
I turn to the crowd as they're watching
They're sitting all together in the dark in the warm
I wanted to be in there among them
I see how their eyes are gathered into one

And then she turns to me with her hand extended
Her palm is split with a flower with a flame

- Suzanne Vega (1987)