not sure how much more I can take.. and know even less about how much more I WILL take...

conflict with doctors ... amongst themselves too but insurance winning... they know this they are trying to force me to settle. I could.. then... leave it to charity. That might be the only good in my life now.

So depressed. Much pain. Guess I regret what I did by going off my pain med. and now I feel like I'm "punishing" by psychologist because he has to deal with me and the increased pain. Have I done NOTHING right this year?

I keep trying. I'm done my best. My best just isn't good enough. Will play their game for as long as I can... put call into pain clinic even though.. ah forget it... you don't know me. You don't know whether what Isay is truth or not maybe I don't either.