I have been so saddened and disturbed by the way your therapist has treated you. What, in any of this, is therapeutic? My therapist only has two rules, one of which is, "No wrecking anything in my office." (That has not happened, btw, it's just one of her 2 rules.) The other is a safety measure for me. I have many more rules for her. It's baffling and painful to see how you are being treated in this. Are you sure you can't leave this? It's not a loss of years for you if you do. It's a gain.