i hoarded emails and chat logs from my ex for years, but ended up doing the same kind of thing.. i would obsess over it and the argumentative type emails full of ... manipulation and gas lighting..

eventually i made myself delete like thousands of messages and emails, sometimes i wish i didnt, but i know that it was the right thing to do because i need to forget about the abuse she caused me, the pain, to move on and try to understand that it was her and not me

so many people don't understand mental illness and they think they are experts on the subject, they dont give any understanding to us that suffer with these things.. they think its our fault and that we choose to suffer because we simply dont make a change or stop acting that way...

i have learned that its not worth my time to try to convince these type of people of otherwise, i have tried before many many times to explain things such as anxiety, depression... conversion symptoms... things that are really unexplainable to some people and i always get the same responses "you just need to do 'this' and you'll be just fine"
such as just getting out of the house and just going to work and just getting a drivers license and just start sleeping on a schedule and just not use the computer so much and on and on and on

but they cant understand what insomnia is, what these mental illnesses can do to the mind, how i need to try to distract myself the best i can as much as i can (thats why i read so much) how i cant eat sometimes, how i am terrified of even riding in a vehicle, how i cant leave the house because of so many triggers and anxiety, on and on and on - they CANT understand... and i really believe they DONT want to, know what i mean?

i dont know why, but i have learned that the best thing for me is to hold my tongue and just mentally slap them in my mind without saying anything aloud because its easier to just change the subject or walk away and go be alone - it triggers me really bad for someone to tell me these kind of things because i argue with myself for hours almost every day about being so stupid and mentally challenged, how i should be able to just fix it and fail at every attempt i make - so i dont need ANYONE else to tell me how much i am failing or anything, its terrible but its the only way i have been able to survive without killing someone due to their stupidity

so this friend, i dont know what he said.. but i do know that when we let others control our feelings too much it can really throw us off inside...
thats why i deleted all of my emails and try to delete every negative message or email i get because i am very obsessive and will end up reading it over and over, and sooner that i delete it the sooner i can forget about it.. or try to... because the main parts of the message/emails always repeat in my head over and over and over like a horrible broken record that is trying to drive me insane

im not trying to tell you what to do of course, just saying what i do...
but i know how bad these obsessions can be... i still feel hurt over the pain my ex caused me, but i dont know why i fell in love anymore... i cant remember, but i have a very bad memory and cant remember things on a minute to minute basis anyway... just kind of odd how a 4 year relationship can just disappear in the wind, but i am glad because the depression that she contributed to was going to be the end of me if i didnt - now i know

dont listen to the untrue remarks anyone can make about us...
we know who we are, we know we try hard... so thats all.. they dont know, they think they know, but no one can know... you know..?

stay strong..