It's been quite a long time since I've logged onto here, but I'm still crushed and not over this and kind of want to vent. Plus it seems like many could be of great words and help

So, I'm going into my 3rd year into high school, and I've had a pretty nasty battle with my illnesses and hospitals for awhile, and it's been over a year since anything has happened and I've really broken out of my shell a lot and finally tried things I was originally too scared to do, like cheerleading.

It may seem cliche but I used to dream of being a cheerleader, I've always loved them and I'm not an athletic person but I enjoyed doing anything for cheerleading, hell I've even gotten better, but I started very late, and tried out for a winter cheer at my school but got denied, but it was my first time so I didn't expect much and the coaches are very friendly people and they said despite my lack of skill I showed strong confidence and personality, which made me extremely happy and I was excited for the summer for cheer practices then later try outs. Now, try outs were about 2-3 weeks ago, and I know I learned a lot and improved heavily, many of the teammates and even the coaches who saw me from December were amazed and told me how good I had gotten, I was so confident I could make it, cause I always wanted to, even though I was extremely late to the party and everyone else had many many years of experience.

So, the tryout day came and I felt extremely good about myself for once, I felt I did good for the most part (except the dance we had to do, I knew the moves and the timing but I'm barely the best at that) Then after a long wait, they finally made the decision and put up a list of everyone who made it, and guess what?

My name did not exist on that paper.

I started to stress and then I asked the coach what I did wrong, and she wouldn't tell me and said "oh go to a cheer clinic and try again next year" I don't know what I did so wrong, and I was having such an amazing time with everything before, I was crushed. My heart honestly just dropped to the floor and broke, and it still hurts now. I've talked to many people about this and they've said its favoritism at play, they've explained their experiences, but I didn't tell anyone how terrible I felt. On the outside I showed an "oh its ok I got next year to train!! " but on the inside I was crying, and eventually once I was finally alone that day I just cried for several hours. I feel like it wouldn't be considered ok but, its awful when you find something you love and enjoy doing, only to get kicked out. They're not even planning on keeping winter cheer so my last chance is for my senior year... and if I manage to **** that up too I don't know how it's going to affect me.