I seriously want to strangle the inner-child.

Tonight in class my professor played this video on Erickson's psychosocial stages. It was actually an animated video, but it was quite brilliant and endearing.

I kept getting triggered by the animated little kid in the video. I mean, really triggered-- was becoming tearful (thankfully no one noticed, lights dimmed). There was this one part in the movie in which they were illustrating autonomy vs. shame and doubt... and the little kid was climbing on the rocking chair and rocking really hard back and forth while sitting on it backwards...and laughing...and the mom had to get the kid off the chair before the kid got hurt... and seriously almost started to cry. I wanted to be a little kid... to just go crazy and rock in the chair really hard and climb on stuff and scream and cry and throw a tantrum.

What is wrong with me? These were %#@&#! cartoon people.

I need help. Seriously.

The little kid inside me has been stirred up more than ever and I wish she would just go away.

And then that whole thing with T telling me how he bought colored pencils for a child he sees.... and how I felt jealous...

In addition, kids have been irritating the hell out of me lately. I was telling T last week... my block is filled with kids... they are always playing outside... I used to come outside and sit with the little girls next door sometimes... they would ask me to bring out the mandalas that I keep for my patients... they wanted to color and talk with me.... now I feel like I could never deal with spending time with any kids.

I am such a stupid, %#@&#! baby.