YES, you sound exactly like me. Wonderfully cared for, loved and wanted, but seldom really felt it. Felt "emotionally abandoned" by age 9 or 10 (how weak and pathetic, right?), and have been self-loathing in some way for as long as I can remember.

Yet some part of me feels so furious and ashamed when I remember how good I have it, when I see someone talk about how they snap themselves out of depression by remembering that someone has it worse, a mindset I find disgusting. I don't know how to get around it.