Myrto, perhaps my ordeal is a variation of this--though I left a bullying co-therapist, I long feel/felt shame, like I had abandoned some sort of "duty" to him. My emotional bondage almost had a religious/cult overtone.

And like you describe, they weren't particularly smart or helpful. They were a weight on my life.

I'm not particularly sold on the wisdom that understanding the "why" of something can help me break its stranglehold. That said, I believe I was tied to these people emotionally as a child is tied to parents and teachers--seeing them as a source of protection and wisdom, yet paying a price in the form of subordination and obedience to people who didn't deserve it.

But in my case, I didn't receive the better part of the bargain--no wisdom, no solace. They only were liabilities. Yet my subordination meant that I believed their assertions and buried my own.

Ultimately, I had to take action regardless of my resolution of the relationship. I had to leave and pick up the pieces later.