I think the only thing I can compare to strength is being able to stand on your own two feet and trust your own instincts in life. To be able to control your own life.

Being with my ex was hell in the end, it became very abusive. I would use his bpd as an excuse because having bpd myself I thought I understood.

But it got to the point I had no emotional strength left for myself as I was always pulling him up, then he would beat me down and before I had chance to recover from that I needed to help him up again.

So for me being with a non means being with someone who can teach me how to handle things a little more rationally, I can save my emotional strength for myself as she has enough of her own to keep herself going without me. (And yes that's an incredibly scary thought that she could survive without me)

The hardest part is trying to stay stable for her when I really don't have it in me. That's the point where I can see your question "what's in it for me?"


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