First I would like to thank you all for your replies. It's still amaze me everytime I come here to see such kindness and caring from the people in here. You are all so very special!

I got away twice really from abuse. I just did with my familly and I did years ago with my ex. This one I will never forgive. He abused me in lot of ways but I promised myself back then that he would never take what I was born with and that is my love towards others and nature. And I kept my promise.

I am in a tough situation right now. Lots of stress in different direction, lots of problems, lots of thinking. I can't leave my husband as he said that I am his support, his reason to live and he would die if I ever leave. My feelings doesn't count only his does or whatever he wants. So I have to ignore that I have feelings.

No I have no therapist and I can't efford one. More of half of my money goes to my husband's medication. I'm holding by a thread and I don't even know why. I guess it is my instinct to survive that is keeping me going.

Again I thank you so very much!
nightdream