I struggled for a long time when I had a t retire. I could not accept that he was going to retire and I would never see him again. It was retraumatizing (he agreed with this)-every session until I quit seeing him. And after that it still took many months for me to get to a place where I can think of him without acute pain. I still think I would have been better off to have never seen him.

I wish I had some words of wisdom for you, but all I can say is that there is at least one adult who has the same feelings including that I can't believe I felt all that as an adult.