I can relate to many aspects of your situation. What has helped me most -- reading accounts from other people who've gone through this sort of harmful experience. The more I read, more I realize much of the pain comes from the basic nature of therapy. Yes, I have wounds and deprivations from childhood. But that doesn't mean it is a good idea necessarily to undergo this sort of re-traumatizing exposure therapy. You reveal all those infantile needs and longings to a stranger and then what? You are destabilized for the rest of the week and expected to suck it up and cope. And if it ends prematurely perhaps you are destabilized for months or years.

If obsession and preoccupation surface as a result, the client is typically held responsible. But therapy quite clearly provokes this response in a fair number of people.

And one thing I never see mentioned--being caught in this sort of obsession is itself traumatic. It's a very toxic state to be in and it carries enormous stigma. It's both a traumatic place to be, and an indicator that therapy has been traumatic, as evidenced by intrusive thoughts, uncontrollable compulsive behavior, and so on.

I found Missbella's blog a great resource for peer support and for truth:
https://disequilibrium1.wordpress.co...aks-her-piece/