I'm slowly falling apart and everything everyday is just pushing me to the point where I can't take it...but what happens then? Nothing. I sit here, cry and scream at the wall. That's breaking. I bleed inside but there is nothing to stop it and no possible relief in sight. If there is relief, it is short lived, I breathe, then another attack comes.

When every word that comes out of my mouth is criticized or judged, every action they expect me to stop or control that I fight against, when they can say all day long that I'm in control, but in reality...I know I'm not. Even though I fight it, I try...I'm playing the victim, this is a pity party, I can just stop.

I'm wrong. I am always wrong. At the worst time then, my cousin decides to criticize me. Can you please stop? No, no mercy...tough love.For just a day, can it just all stop, can I just rest in silence of all the judgments, disagreements, and criticism towards very fiber of my being. Labels, "Drama queen" "victim" "pity party" all just hit me so hard when I know the truth, the truth that NO ONE gets it and these people who can laugh about my pain and write it off with the labels will NEVER feel this way and NEVER hurt the way I do.

I deserve this suffering. So I will just keep lying here, in excruciating pain, knowing there is not a remedy in sight, and that every bit of it is due.