I still think I would have been better off to have never seen him.

I can relate to many aspects of your situation. What has helped me most -- reading accounts from other people who've gone through this sort of harmful experience. The more I read, more I realize much of the pain comes from the basic nature of therapy. Yes, I have wounds and deprivations from childhood. But that doesn't mean it is a good idea necessarily to undergo this sort of re-traumatizing exposure therapy. You reveal all those infantile needs and longings to a stranger and then what? You are destabilized for the rest of the week and expected to suck it up and cope. And if it ends prematurely perhaps you are destabilized for months or years.

If obsession and preoccupation surface as a result, the client is typically held responsible. But therapy quite clearly provokes this response in a fair number of people.

And one thing I never see mentioned--being caught in this sort of obsession is itself traumatic. It's a very toxic state to be in and it carries enormous stigma. It's both a traumatic place to be, and an indicator that therapy has been traumatic, as evidenced by intrusive thoughts, uncontrollable compulsive behavior, and so on.

It's been 17 months since my termination. I didn't have maternal transference, just extreme attachment. I still miss her. I'm still jealous that other people, especially other clients, get to be in her life. I have a box of saved things from her. I can't look at it. It hurts too much.

I will say it gets better over time. My current T has really helped me out a lot. I no longer cry over ex-T. And though I still think about her almost daily, they're more fleeting thoughts. It took almost a year for me to get past the worst.

As far as maternal transference, I have experienced it in the past. And with one woman, she basically met all my needs. I got hugs, holding hands, she rocked me in her arms once, kissed me good night on my forehead, tucked me into bed, etc. I can honestly say that it didn't fill that hole inside me. It still wasn't enough. It helped. I was only 18 and had been abandoned by everyone in my life. But what helped the most was realizing that no matter how much love I got, it would never be enough. And it wasn't just with that woman. I had multiple "mother-figures" in my life. None were enough. So I've learned that the issue won't be resolved by anyone but myself. It's my issue.