Can you tell your therapist that you feel jealous of his buying colouring pencils for the kid he is seeing?

I promise you something...

If you find the courage to tell your therapist that...
I'll find the courage to tell my therapist that I feel jealous when he takes time off from seeing me so that he can spend time with his family.

Only catch is... That I couldn't possibly say it in person... I'd much prefer to say it by way of email... Only... I could drink a little and tell him in person ;-) If you tell him... I promise that to you.

It is hard, huh. I... Still feel like a kid (or feel like my kid needs haven't been adequately met) in a number of respects. I wish... Well, part of me wishes... That I could be that age again but this time in a responsive environment. It would be so much more fun (and so much less painful) in a responsive environment.

Sigh. I guess we will just have to enact it now ;-)

And... Enjoy ourselves... And not beat ourselves up for needing that... Well... As much as we possibly can at any rate...

With respect to the 'optimal age' to parent I think that that is changing... If you go back in evolutionary history there never used to be this thing called 'adolescence'. Adolescence is basically a fairly recent invention. Back whenever... People were men when they went on their first hunt. And women were women when they menstruated for the first time. A clear division betweeen childhood and adulthood and no in between state. (Which is partly why it is culturally insensitive for us to lament 14 year old girls who were menstruating marrying and 15 year old boys making a kill doing similarly). To consider that 'abuse' is to impose our present values back in the past.

In the past the 'optimal' age for giving birth was in adolescence. That is 'biologically' the most sensible time. Less mortality at that point etc etc. But now... Enculturation is the most importantly different thing between human beings and other animals. Human beings have a protracted period of learning before they are granted the rights and responsibilities of adult status. Some people spend... 20 years at school... They are 35 or maybe even 40 when they have the financial security to be able to invest well in their offspring. I mean lets face it our ancestors (in evolutionary time) didn't need to worry about the virtues (timewise) of disposable nappies or the virtues (quality wise) of investing in formal education (for 20 years or so) for their offspring.

Financial security is an interesting notion... In countries where infant mortality is high (and where mortality is high more generally) and where people aren't able to invest in pensions and superannuation etc then people tend to have 12 or 13 or 15 children. How come? Because your children are your financial security in your old age (they will look after you). Hence... The high birth rates in traditional cultures (Samoan, Fijian etc). They are more closely related to subsistence living...

When you have a well developed economy... People start thinking about how much disposable nappies and a private school education is going to cost. People have less children as a consequence (heck they have their own savings plus a super scheme) so they aren't relying on their children to look after them in old age (hell their children are more likely to put them in an institution). Children are considered more of an investment with less benefits. People thus tend to wait until they are financially secure (getting later and later all the time). Have children at a later age (getting later and later all the time). Heck, people are hitting menopause later (also hitting reproductive age latter) and also hitting death later. We have the luxury of 'extended childhoods' (adolescence) which is a recent invention. Past peoples haven't had that 'luxury' but they also haven't had the problems with dealing with being at some mid-way point either. The existential and identity anxiety that goes with that.

'For all our present ills I'd rather be living as we do now than as the caveman lived' (a student)
Wittgenstein: 'Yes, of course you would. But would the caveman???'

What do you need to be 'successful' in this present environment? People are less likely to hit that at 16 or at 20 or at 30 even. Hence... People need to invest more in their offspring in order to give their offspring a chance to hit success in life. Not like the olden days where your boy might prove himself a worthy hunter at 14 (and able to well support a wife) or where a girl might be valued at first menstruation. These days... It takes much much longer... More of an investment.

Kids who give birth to kids who give birth to kids are more likely to struggle closer to subsistence.

People who wait... And invest heavily... Are likely to have kids who do similarly.

This is controversial to be sure:

In conservation ecology what is the optimal prevalence of homo sapiens?

We think we can determine the fate of OTHER species but how about monitoring (and caring) more adequately for our own?

One way the future could go...
Perhaps...