Hi Beaglehound, welcome to PC and the PTSD forum. Have you reached out for therapy with a "PTSD/trauma specialist"?

It sounds like something triggered you to remember all these events, and from what I have read, sometimes that can get triggered when someone has a child of their own and that child is near the age when they began to experience trauma themselves.

Often, what can happen is that when we have our own child, we begin to relate to that child based on our "own" childhood on a deep subconscious level. I have read, even been told by a therapist how this is not unusual where a person can wall off trauma and then something can trigger it to come forward like you are describing. Sometimes a woman and even a father can get triggered when their own child gets to the age when they themselves experienced trauma and they suddenly begin having these anxieties and memories that totally confuse them. Why now? is a common question and the parent doesn't even consciously recognize the connection this sudden onset has in common with their own child and how that connected on such a deep subconscious level.

Part of how we parent that we don't realize is actually based on what we ourselves experienced as a child, it's a subconscious part that we tap onto and actually, this is the same thing that a lot of mammels do as well, even birds do this as they return to where they themselves were born to have their own offspring.

I am sorry that you are suddenly experiencing these memories that you genuinely did not realize you experienced. Please know that whatever you "did" experience you survived, was not your fault, doesn't mean you are damaged or bad. But, you will have strong desires to protect your own child from ever being exposed to the things you were exposed to that hurt or endangered you. Even though you are remembering the past as if it is in the now, you can slowly work through these memories, acknowledge them and reduce the impact they are having on you that I know can be so disabling.

((Hugs)), therapy is a must so you can slowly work on reducing these intrusive experiences until you don't feel them as if they are happening "now". PATIENCE is important now.