((HD)),

First of all, please understand that if you experience a bad PTSD cycle and get suicidal impulses, NEVER ACT ON THEM. They "do" go away. What you are experiencing when they happen however is being overwhelmed and not wanting to "feel" the emotional challenge of whatever you have experienced that overwhelmed you. With "time" and "patience" you can work through these feelings of dispair and these suicidal impulses do get weaker and so do the other nagging symptoms that you have described.

It takes time to figure out how to identify the triggers that "yes" unfortunately tend to pop up and catch one off guard. The goal is to slowly get so you can feel them coming on and find the initial thought and then learn to develop what is called a "wise" mind that helps you to identify the trigger and gradually use this wise mind to acknowledge the challenge and then make a decision "not" to react. This takes time and requires a lot of "patience" with self.