Hi all,

I agree with Justy's point that Malady has summed up the situation truthfully. We blame ourselves because the stigma is pointing at us, and it's strong.

I also agree with Ozzie, when she said that blame was a feature in an unhappy family background. We learn to blame, as a way of putting the responsibility for bad things entirely onto someone else, and outside of ourselves.

I remember a few things my father said to me, one was -

"You have had a few problems but you have only yourself to blame."

or another classic line,

"It seems to me that you have made yourself the victim."

These words came from a father who would turn his anger onto me every single day of my young life, it was always "tears before bedtime" in our household.The worst was when he was being nice, because you knew that was just before the mood change would come.

I mean, how do you crawl out from under that? Even years later, with all the maturity I have developed, these words cut me down. I remember Marlon Brando in 'On the Waterfront' when his character finally stood up to his manipulative older brother (played by Rod Steiger). Steiger was making all sorts of excuses and Brando said, "No, it was you. I could have been somebody, I could have been a contender. But you sold me down for the short - end money."

I never stood up to my father. I tell myself that I didn't want to hurt him, or cause a rumpus, but the truth is it was fear, the fear that he had put inside me so effectively.

So, why do we blame ourselves for being ill? Because we have learned to blame ourselves, either subtly through society's attitudes, or like in my situation, right in my face.

Blame is learned, and part of the process of survival and recovery is to gradually unlearn it again.

Cheers, Myzen