Okay so I'm like a hundred years old but that doesn't mean things don't hurt. So I'm talking to somebody who I thought was my friend. We were discussing music and so I burst out into a song by a favorite of mine and my friend started to look embarrassed. It was a fairly public place and I think my friend was struck by my enthusiasm. So my friend asked me if I'd taken my meds this morning implying that I wasn't in control. I was just having fun. Anyway I've been letting this episode roll around in my head all day - the internal criticism is so present even at this late date. Insecurity has been a lifelong anchor and I believe I'll wear it to the grave. This makes me hate myself and life in general. You know I've never really felt good about myself - trouble is I've never really had anybody in my corner so to speak. I don't know what it is like for somebody to lean on your shoulder and say it's okay because I'm here for you. Maybe tomorrow