I can totally relate to SO much of what you described.
I can know, when I'm not triggered, that I can handle most things on my own, but once I'm triggered into that vulnerable spot, I feel like I can't get through even breathing without t to help... it's really a frustrating position to be in, especially when those feelings of helplessness are so overwhelming.
My t actually welcomes outside contact. I've found myself texting her a lot lately... I don't really like it. It's another thing I've recently mentioned to get (my discomfort with feeling so helpless lately when triggered. It's a relatively new phenomenon for me, having only started since we began the trauma work)...
Sorry I don't have any advice or helpful suggestions...