I'm an obsessive compulsive spartan.

My family members from father's side have an extreme tendency towards obsessive-compulsive behaviour and addiction. There are some autistic traits going on too. My grandfather seems very autistic (because of his low voice control, rigid routine, obsessions and echolalia), as well as he is unpleasant, cruel even, one sided and aggressive (Now it's better due to his private nurse and my grandmother's illness and his loneliness). I used to hate him but I see a lot of myself in him. People hate him, call him nasty, unkind.

And he is addicted to saving money. His father was obsessive about cleaning and about saving every penny, too. He used to sell stuff when he was younger, had his own company (because they were hiring him from any job he took). His obsession with saving every penny is pathological. He has loads of money hidden, can't leave the house afraid someone will steal it, he was saving so much he nearly starved himself and his wife. He saved on electricity, water, cleaning stuff, everything. He kept having arguments over every single penny (for example a shop change), used to buy only the cheapest and low quality stuff "needed to survive". So that's how my grandfather is.

My father has some thing with money control, too. But that's also partially because we are the "working poor" and cannot afford anything more than the house rent, food, maintaining the car.

And I am also very obsessive-compulsive since I was a kid. I had something with a "clean slate" since I can remember. Like going to the primary school, having these thoughts that "Today I'll start everything again, I'll be looking nicely, wearing nice clothes, won't be annoying, will control myself...". Yeah, a kid.

I have intrusive thoughts and perfectionistic approach. I care about the cleaning a lot. I delete facebook chat messages right after I end the discussion or meanwhile because I feel there's something "disorganized" about them. I hate small talk. Maybe I feel guilty about my writing and what I say.

And I was always bothered by too much stuff and even clothing textures, tags, human interactions that were out of control, but the stuff mostly.

I had this habit of throwing things I didn't need out since I can remember. That there was too much of them. And then I found out about minimalism and got even deeper into it. I also clean a lot when I'm stressed. I organize.

Few times I even threw away my parent's stuff.

I'm used to selling stuff out. I sold my camera lenses when I needed the money for driving course and some other stuff when I needed something else. That's basically how it looks when you're inside the working poor family.

And now - as I don't have a job since February (but this may change soon) and I haven't overcomed my Maths fourth final due to learning issues and cannot go to university (remember I'm from PL and it all works differently here) - I decided to sell clothes and other things in order to have some income and something to do in general.

I started with mine, but I'm planning onto buying something specially for sale. But still, I have sold nearly all of my summer clothes (with the intention of buying new ones, but now - when I think about buying something new - I think about whether I could sell it straight away. I even had that thought with my newest, beautiful furniture!), all the books I have read and it became kind of addictive. I even got rid of such precious things as the lovely lace body I found in a thrift shop and which I loved.

There is something about having less stuff and more money on your bank account. Even when this money is small. I just feel like nothing uneccessary cannot be present here but then I don't have the "enough, this should stay" button.

I'm a very stimuli seeking person and this whole selling stuff gives me the thrill. And then organizing money, counting, etc.

Also, you know, this moment when there is a little bit of perfume in the bottle left...I feel I need to immediately throw it away.

The only thing I wouldn't throw are the family photos from around 1890-1920 and a few more things.

I think now it's especially stressful because I had to change the course of my life since I cannot - for now and while being 3 yrs behind - go to university. And I cannot stand not being in control.

I just don't want to end up in an empty room, counting the pennies, saving on everything.

There is also some nasty feeling like the things that are mine are somehow worthless or damaged (I'm 21 and still don't have my writing stuff and re-write everything over again).

None of this is seriously damaging my daily functioning, but it worries me. Especially that no one treats decluttering obsessions seriously.

I also feel like a very few things are under my control. I have been behind everyone else always due to my dyspraxic symptoms, failing at exams and everything even though I was trying twice as hard, etc. I have a hard time organizing my inner life: thoughts, emotions.