Hi everyone,

I started reading this book psychopath free as per recovering from narcissistic abuse and as I progressed into the book my heart dropped. I did not know I would be reading about my mother in this book. I had read understanding the borderline mother, mean mothers, tried to read will I ever be good enough, but had to return it.

Well, this particular red flag got my attention: focuses on your mistakes and ignores their own.

As a result of this "you might begin to adopt perfectionist qualities, very aware that any mistake can and will be used against you".

I know I'm a perfectionist, its a "character defect" that I have to do a lot more work to get rid of, and perhaps this thread is part of that effort.

Sponsors nagging me to get rid of my perfectionism didn't make a dent in it, but this, knowing where it comes from, has gotten my attention. I also have this same attitude about anything I say, I know it can and will be used against me.

I have no idea what its like to live without perfectionism nor do I know many people who aren't perfectionists.

I made the mistake since I was a teen of trying to confront my mom about how she was treating me. That never went anywhere. I tried to talk to my dad and my aunt about it, that didn't go anywhere either. They're both flying monkeys, talking about how smart she is, how hard she works, how difficult I was. That just shames me. I don't really talk to my mom anymore. Recently I learned my brother calls my parents 3-4 times a week and talks to my mom a lot. Good for him. He always was a "mammas boy" as I used to call him, by the feminine version of his name. My brother has a visual disability and I now think its easier for my parents to love my brother then me .

Do you think this red flag is accurate?