i have c-ptsd and stuff so i know what you mean about fear..
i dont really know what to do about it besides some therapy, therapy is helping me a little... just having someone that gets it and knows its not all make believe helps a little, but its a slow process...

i tend to dissociate alot though... like constantly, blessing and a curse...

thats how things are with my family too, something major happens like almost being killed, being assaulted, big accidents (or not accident) and then everyone pretends like nothing happened

sadly i did not inherit this trait and everything affects me, they probably are affected as well on some levels but more subconscious type levels probably..hence their explosive natures, where as i am just fearful and even afraid of 'exploding' because when i am triggered into an angry state i black out and dont know what happens... but i keep that part of me burried deep as i can because i dont like it at all

i dont really know how to fix it thats why im trying my best with therapy...

i used to have the fantasy of packing a small bag and running far far away, as far as i could.. i live in virginia so i was planning on getting into canada/alberta and had it all mapped out.. but i let go of that fantasy when i was around 21... or 22... im almost 27 now...( in december)

all i can really say is i feel you.. and i hope that you dont have a dissociation problem like me because its robbing me of my life, as i cant remember any of my past and cant even remember on a day to day basis.. i wake up and then its time to go to sleep and the slate is like wiped clean every minute so when someone asks me if i remember something its a trigger because i never can remember
they think its a joke or something but its not a joke to me.. but its my affliction and i try to live with it the best i can, trying to focus on treatment and therapy so that i can figure out whats going on and hopefully fix things so that i can get control over my life and rid myself of these mental challenges

so far i have figured out that i have developmental trauma disorder, c-ptsd, major dissociation, and im trying to figure out how to fix those things without having to relive a bunch of traumatic memories! but my therapist says that i have to remember and i have to process the dissociated memories or else it will keep me in the same cycle, or something like that... i cant remember exactly what she said, but its just nice to see her since she's smart and kind of cute
i dont have any friends so its nice to have someone that is genuinely interested in you (as in helping, not attraction)

have you tried therapy out?
do you have flashbacks? very well may could have some issues with ptsd
i dont have flashbacks all the time but sometimes im flooded with them constantly.. usually when depression is ruling me

stay strong