I was going through the same thing not long ago, OC. When I became suicidal when T was gone for a week, T said, "We need to find out what happened when your Dad left." T didn't blame me for my intense attachment. Not all Ts lay responsibility on the client. I'm so sorry you are going through all of this upheaval and pain. Many times, Ts aren't experienced enough to deal with countertransference issues or intense attachment. I know that doesn't help you much. I do know what you feel, but you are part of the solution. Do you have any self-soothing techniques that have worked in the past? Have you tried relaxation exercises to take your mind off of your feelings for short periods of time? I hope you feel better soon.