Deeply I've also held on to the props of my exit strategy. It is not healthy but it is just not within my nature to give them up. Sometimes it gives me comfort to know they are there. All I can say is to focus on the hope. You are still trying to find an effective combination of meds. You are looking at alternate forms of treatment like ECT. These facts indicate that you want to find a solution other than ending your life. Hang on to that and keep fighting and looking for solutions.

{{{{{{Deeplyhurt}}}}}}