Just wanted to be clear: I'm having thoughts, but I'm safe. I have no plans to harm myself in anyway.

Two years ago, I was on the right track. I was taking care of my hygiene, exercising, losing weight, eating better, doing hobbies, etc. But ever since ex-T left, I have struggled in all these categories. I lost myself when I lost her, and I can't find my way back.

It seems like every time I have a major loss, I can't achieve what I once had. Like each time the loss takes a part of me away.

I know I'm still struggling. Depression and anxiety are real things to work on. But how? What more is left to talk about. No point in processing the past. I've learned a lot of coping skills, but they're bandaids. So what it boils down to is finding reasons to live. And I'm not questioning what is the pyrpose of life nor am I looking for religious answers.

I just want to want to live! To live with the suffering, to be happy or even content. To be at peace with myself. As many mentioned: to value myself. But how?

It's been suggested by EVERYONE (here on PC, my doctors, family) for me to do things outside the house: hobbies, volunteer, a job, etc. But my anxiety is so high. And I also have a lack of interest in all the things I used to do, so that makes things even harder.

I have a good life. I see it. So why can't I be content with it?