oh yeah... thanks... I feel like i'm lost and in over my head. Everyone's still trying to figure out if I'm DID MPD or not (which is annoying). One former T said no, but called me fractured and talked to the named parts as if they were real. Which made me switch. So I went to someone else who could tell me more effectively and she said Yes, I am MPD. So now I saw this new person who says "I really doubt it but I'll look for it." I'm soooooo confused. Meanwhile my former T expected me to come back to her no matter how many times i sent email trying to confirm that I am seeing this PsyD (due to finantial reasons). So yesterday I sent my former T an email saying "Look, I just need you to acknowledge that I am seeing this other person - I need closure!" So she confirms that and says we shouldn't contact each other any more, and next thing i know, I'm crying a lot and feeling abandoned - even though I'm the one that needed closure!!! I don't understand my own feelings around this. I wrote and told her that, and that I'll get over it, but that I end up attaching to people and then any time i set boundaries and people actually accept them, I feel like I'm being abandoned. Stupid, but there it is. She she writes that she is not abandoning me, just releasing me to seek other help. And I cry more! I don't even know why.
Anyway, so I met this PsyD and I don't even know if it will work out since the ONLY times she has available are training slots where students will have to sit in and observe. I mean YIPES! I'm terrified enough as it is, then to have a student observe?!? Plus scheduling with her and this particular student is really hard.... Oh and I just got hired in the mall for seasonal work!! .... so I dunno - I may end up just quitting until the new year.
meanwhile (allow me to continue my rant here), I had more flashbacks last night, a pack of cyotes came howling through the neighborhood at 4am scaring the **** out of my cat and I, the emotional upheavals this morning, and I just got word that my great, great aunt died last night. =( Oh and I have a flat tire. Ever have one of those days were things just seem to get worse? It's not even noon yet. Things probably aren't as bad as all that, but when I haven't had any good sleep, they sure feel like it.
Thanks for asking, though. Kiya