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Old Aug 31, 2016, 08:02 PM
KitKatKazoo KitKatKazoo is offline
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Member Since: Aug 2016
Location: USA
Posts: 40
Quote:
Originally Posted by objectclient View Post
Wow, there's quite a few of us that have had this experience. I'm sorry this has happened but it is of some comfort to know that I'm not alone and that we all share this pain.

All of my Ts encouraged me to talk about how I feel in the present and my past memories, completely overlooking the therapy relationship itself which I now think offered so much information about my early years of which naturally, I have no memory. The relationship with your T, the attachment and the transference is such an integral part of therapy that I can't begin to understand why it goes ignored by therapists. Sure, it's awkward and difficult but therapists are just as guilty as shying away from it as their clients. In my case, my Ts were actually worse than me at evading the topic. I tried to discuss it and get across my level of attachment to two of my Ts in the build up to termination when I first became aware of it as being problematic but on both occasions, I was told it was normal or it was swept under the rug. No, it isn't normal to feel so attached to somebody that it's toxic, provoking obsessive thoughts and behaviors, but I could gauge from T's reaction to what I had said already that had I told them this, I would be terminated on the spot. Having become so painfully attached and then badly hurt by the termination on two occasions, with my third Ts I decided to tell them before it (the attachment) happened that I had a tendency to become over attached and this had been present my whole life with authority figures. I wasn't terminated, but again it went ignored at which point, in my heart I had given up on them as I knew that they were not capable of dealing with attachment and transference.

Given what I have experienced and now know, I think it should be compulsory that therapists are trained and competent to address these matters. Without doing so, the therapy is IMO only doing further harm and re-traumatizing the client, repeating past relationships where attachment was painful and needs were unmet without offering any solution.
That is my greatest fear--that now that my therapist realized relatively recently how overly and unhealthily I am attached to her--she will terminate me.

Three weeks ago she confronted me (more details in an earlier post if you're interested), but she didn't terminate me on the spot. In an email and via text, she has encouraged me to return--I've been stalling and noncommital--but I fear that it's only so that she can badger me to reveal what personal information I learned about her during my compulsive searching--and that once she satisfies her curiosity, she'll terminate me. Not seeing her and leaving the situation unsettled is distressing, but the thought of facing her and disclosing the attachment only to then be terminated is even worse. So I remain in this miserable limbo.

It makes me angry that therapy encourages these toxic attachments and compulsive thoughts and behaviors in some of us--and then therapists turn on their clients and terminate them for the very behaviors their so-called treatment provoked!

It's saddening that some of us who sought help instead found harm. For me, it feels like a big open wound that will never heal. I wish I'd never met my therapist and that I could put everything back the way it was before.
Hugs from:
BudFox, koru_kiwi, SoConfused623
Thanks for this!
BudFox, objectclient, SoConfused623