I am sorry you are going through such a stressful time, and please let go of any guilt you are feeling. No parent can make things all Disney for their kids and fix everything, no matter how much we want to or how hard we try. We can only be there for them when they need someone in their corner.

Grieve as you need to, there is no shame in that. Be proud for being strong when you needed to be strong for your children, especially when it is something that many parents would run away from.

You didn't run, you stayed, and that says something about you as a parent.