*Possible Triggers*
Flashbacks, panic attacks, hypervigilance, nightmares, hallucinations and some minor delusions etc.. Basically everything, just more intense lately. Suicidal thoughts have returned, though I don't plan on following through. I don't feel safe, I don't feel okay. I'm just waiting it all out. I feel like I'm paralyzed in this endless nightmare. The thing about having to wait it out, all I want to do is give up and give in. I realize how close I am to confusing reality with what's happening in my head and I'm fighting so hard to keep from having full episodes of dissociation (I never remember these episodes in the slightest) and reminding myself that I'm not back there. Right now, I just want to stop fighting and let it take me, allow myself to finally just lose it all. I want to give up so bad, maybe then it wouldn't hurt so bad. I'm so tired of fighting when there's no end.