I'm so desperate for some ****ing help right now. Something, anything. Anything to make it all just stop. I just want it to stop. I feel so empty.
I won't do anything. I couldn't put my fiance through that or several other people I love.
I just want to stop fighting. I just want to let myself finally go off the deep end, lose it all.
I can't keep holding all of this weight on my shoulders and telling everyone that "I'm okay", cause I'm not. I'm not okay, I haven't been for a long damn time and somehow I keep going, whether or not I want to, I keep going. I put on that fake smile and hold back tears and fight the urge to let my rage go out in full. I take care of too many people.
And I feel like somewhere down the line, people I trusted to tell about what goes on in my head, they all just forgot about me. I prefer to help others as opposed to getting it for myself but I can't keep that up 100% of the time. They all just kind of left me back here and only come back when they need me.
I wonder if they'll forget about me when I'm gone.