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Greeneyes, I'm looking at this situation from the cat's perspective. Cats don't like change, some even more than others. First the cat is removed from the home it knows and moved to a new place. Then some person he sort of knows moves in. I'm not surprised he has acted out.
That said, there is no reason you should have to be responsible for the cat. If your boyfriend loves him so much he tears up at the idea of rehoming him he needs to man up and be responsible for him. If you love something, you take care of it.
You made a very good observation about your boyfriend and kids in the future. If he won't take responsibility for his cat now it's likely he won't take care of kids later.
Can I ask the point of the two of you living together if he is never home? Is it because he can't afford to live on his own? Have you considered the implications for the future? Do you want to support him the rest of your life while he goes out and has fun? There is no reason for you to have to be miserable because he can't support himself.
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