Barrett, I *think* I might understand what you mean when you say it is complicated, how you feel about your dad. It sounds to me like you are confused and hurting because he treats you so badly, but you still need a father and you are looking for your dad to be the kind of father you need, a loving, encouraging, supportive father who respects you and can help you grow, especially at this time in your life (14 can be a really difficult age to live through, I remember it was for me and for my kids). It sounds like you are hurt, angry and upset because he is treating you this shoddy way and you need him to see, hear, recognize how much you need him to be a "real father" to you instead of the way he is acting. You feel like you love him and you don't want to give up on the hope that he will recognize what is wrong about how he acts and work to change that.

That is what I THINK I am hearing from you -- please feel free to correct me if I'm wrong -- it's YOUR mind/heart and YOUR feelings after all and these are just my guesses.

One thing that might be helpful for you is to realize that people often do not change or see the need for change unless or until something pushes them into facing up to things. Right now for your own mental health's sake it sounds like you need a "break" from Dad. Not a permanent break up, but some time to yourself to heal and gain strength, maybe from some counselling or therapy to help you make sense of your confused and conflicting feelings and to help you set healthy and appropriate boundaries with your Dad, hopefully with your Mom's support on this? I know sometimes it is scary and confusing to set boundaries with a parent -- it can feel like (and sometimes be interpreted as) "disobedience" or "being rebellious" but with the help of intelligent, compassionate and educated adults who will support you in learning how to do so *appropriately* it doesn't need to feel that way.

You are right in believing you deserve to be loved, respected and treated right. It sounds like you try to be a "good" daughter to him and there's a lot of conflict between wanting to be a "good" daughter and yet needing to be treated right and not getting that.

Please talk to someone "objective" who can help you. An objective person is one who is not involved in the family directly -- is there a teacher you can trust? School counsellor? Adult friend? They might be able to help you figure out how to get the help you need to cope with this difficult situation.

Having a mentally handicapped child really messes with a parent's feelings. I know because I have one myself. That is not to excuse your father but just to say it can create a lot of conflicting feelings inside for a parent. Maybe he needs some help, too, to deal with all those feelings. But you can't make him get help. Right now you need to concentrate on taking care of YOU. Please talk to someone who can help you get the help you need. Don't put it off even if you feel "stupid" asking for help or are afraid or don't feel you deserve or need it. Just give it a try?

Keep us posted how it's going OK? And feel free to talk / vent here of course!