I can't even watch TV in same room with parents because they can't hear swear words not even mild ones. I would have to leave during commercials in case something about sex shows up on screen. They get all embarrassed faces so i can't be near that. When I used to have friends and parents in same room I would get nervous that one of my friends would say a swear or something about sex so I would stress out hoping my parents wouldn't hear it. I can't even say the word alcohol around them. I mean I CAN say it, but I can't because they get all embarrassed faces. I can't believe I even have kids because my parents know I had intercourse in order to have kids. I actually was not married when the first one was born but I was in my late 20's. oops. An old neighbor of ours got pregnant as a teen and her parents were afraid to tell my Dad because they didn't know what he would do??

My father's own mother would hide magazines under the bed when she came to visit so my father wouldn't see them!! I also hide EVERYTHING i DO!!! I mean everything!!! I literally will take trash with me in the car, when they are not looking and throw it away in a public trash can. I will walk out of house with no makeup on and sweatpants and as soon as I drive to a secluded spot, I will change and put makeup on! If my father makes a noise in living room and I am in the kitchen I freeak out and think he is coming into the kitchen, my heart races and i HURRY UP and get out of there before he comes in kitchen to yell at me about something. I hate that my parents bedroom window faces the driveway because every time I pull into driveway I picture them looking out window at me!! i stay in my bedroom all day unless I HAVE to go somewhere and I put loud fans on to block parent's noises. i am in a prison and can't get out!

Growing up I suffered from selective mutism (never knew there was actually a name for it!) and as I got into my 20's i have severe panic disorder and realized I had bad depression on top of it. I am slightly OCD and I skin pick mildly. I have always made friends with the wrong people (probably because I take whatever i can get since I am so shy) I had a horrible marriage and ex left me with nothing! I was forced to move back in with parents who control my children. My kids also treat me like crap. My father has actually punched me in face in front of my kids. My ex also abused me. i can be screaming my kids names and they dont answer me, and parents even sitting next to the kids will not even say "your mother is calling you" they will ignore me too.

All i know is i am at the point where I have lived here so long and I have nothing to look forward to. It is as if I feel i am stuck here. I don't see a way out. I dont even see a husband in future anymore. i am numb. I am afraid to do anything. I can't even have friends living here because that would mean my parents would KNOW AND SEE MY FRIENDS. they are always right in my face, I can't get away. It is extremely frustrating and dehabilitating. I can never date living here because they will KNOW and see. I was taught everything is bad and I can do nothing. I remember as a child I couldn't do anything. I never even had chores because I couldn't do it right. I never learned manners. My mother is a stupid airhead nutjob that never wanted to work. just layed around all day looking like a schizo job. My father is a rigid perfectionist and everything is wrong but he is right. I can't even talk to anyone because when the person walks away they will tell me everything wrong with the person "they are fat, why do they say that? she is, he is, etc, etc."

I have resorted to a secret life they know nothing about.