To me, it's like there is an inner world, and an outer world. In the inner world you are completely in control and safe. I have fictional conversations with people in my mind. I am who I want to am and I talk to others there. Basically, it's me having a monologue and them listening. And without the awkwardness of them not understanding me, me making jumps in reasoning, etc etc.

The real world. It's like people are covered in a coating. I can throw my emotions out there, but I know they can never pierce the coating. But other people seem fine. So the true reality is, I am coated, not they.
Other people are making connections, without effort. They can be at peace among friends, have no inihibitions or social filter, and act as people that are admired.

It always feels like something is wrong with everyone else, or with the world. But when you observe the indirect evidence, you have to conclude it is you. And that idea you cannot make sense of in your own mind.
The realisation of it, it will make you want to revert, invest more in the inner world.

In a sense, stuff that goes automat for others; it never happens for you even when you deliberately try it.

All this talk about not having empathy, not understanding or feeling the theory of mind, it doesn't feel like that.