hi,

I only just joined a few moments ago so greetings all. I do apologize in advance for posting this in the personality disorder forum, as the topic is not completely related I don't think, but I figured it was the closest fit.

Anyway, I think I need help. I've never told anyone this, but I'm I complusive liar. I've been lying for as long as I can remember, at this point its basically a reflex, and not a very helpful one. My parents caught me lying all the time when I was younger, so now they have virtually no trust in anything I say or do, and with good reason. However, I don't think even they realize how bad it is, and they certainly don't think its anything psychological.

I lie about everything, big and small, and usually for no reason. I lie to my friends, family, and strangers. When meeting people for the first time I almost never use my real name, I usually invent a new identity, personality and history. I even lie to my therapists, I've had a bunch and all for different reasons, no of which were true of course. I even spent some time in a mental hospital for DID, which I had completely made up and am now on medication I probably don't even need.

The annoying thing is, I usually can't help myself, which is not an excuse but just a fact. Sometimes I really have to hold myself back from blurting out falsehoods, but usually I can't control myself. I often loose track of whats true and whats not, and when in the middle of a lie I usually believe it.

But the thing that puzzles me the most is the motivation my behavior, or lack thereof. I can't for the life of me figure out why I do this. Its not out of malice, at least I hope not, I'm not trying to gain anything or get out of trouble, in fact aside from the lies I'm a pretty good kid. And I don't think I'm trying to impress people either, I usually keep top myself and the lies I tell aren't heroic or self aggrandizing, just random things that pop into my head that strike me as interesting. I tell myself I'm not hurting anyone, just exercising my imagination, but I know thats not true.

I've never really had a real relationship with anybody, even my closest friends don't really know anything about me, anything real that is. Sometimes I feel completely isolated, and I know its my own fault.

The only good thing about it is my hope of someday becoming a writer, I figure I have a bit of a heads up in the story telling department

Anyway thanks for listening and any feedback would be most welcome.

-mochabean