You haven't done it for years?!!! That's what you can focus on!! That is a great accomplishment!! I am so glad you had the support of your T & I can understand your feelings in that ER room back at the hospital. Perhaps change your focus, a whole new perspective!!! Focus on all those years (Good for You!!!!)of choosing differently!!! It's not easy. Don't bash your head against the wall it's done now, it's not the Titanic that's gone. Begin fresh & new. I believe you can do it!!! Keep me posted I care so much!mp